Paul's Interim Bucket List 2013

Now that he has finished chemotherapy and radiotherapy, Paul wrote down a few items he'd like to see happening before the end of 2013. He fully realizes that a lot of it could change after his possible mid-June surgery.

One day (the first of many to follow) when I actually feel well.

Being able to swallow without fear of throwing up.

A barefoot walk along a beach, preferably on an island.

A walk through a forest.

Being able to get into a pool, and play waterball as well.

An end to daily fatigue.

An end to daily nausea.

Get back to work.

Able to eat a proper meal, and taste it.

No more tube feeding.

No more medications.

An uncomplicated surgery (esophagectomy) and rapid recovery.

Sail a real sailboat.

Watch waterfall create rainbows.

Soar in a glider.

Shower without having to repack wounds and clean up J-tubes.

No more diuretics or stool softeners.

See something I like and actually eat it.

Do a sunset hike.

Feel human again.

Paul

Update on Paul

Paul has officially finished with his Chemotherapy treatments.  I have mixed emotions over this since he was supposed to get 6 - 8 chemotherapy treatments and ended up only receiving 4 treatments. I am concerned and wonder did he get enough chemotherapy to kill of the necessary cancer cells? But I must trust in the doctors and continue to pray.    His white count was too low for them to continue with the treatments.  The Oncologist feels it is safer to let his body heal before having surgery than to take the chance of creating more problems.  He did receive four shots of Reupogen to help the body produce white blood cells.  The shots are working as his count was up yesterday.

We are keeping on schedule with his radiation treatments.  He will be finished with those on Wednesday.  Then on to tests,  rest and healing before surgery.  We do not have a surgery date yet, that will be discussed with the Surgeon on June 6th, after his Stress Echo-cardiogram,  PET scan, CT scan and the Ultrasound Endoscopy scheduled for the end of May.

Paul is not eating any foods but continues to get his nutrition via the J Tube.  He can not take any medications by mouth so those are all crushed and dissolved into a liquid state to be given via the tube.  So far this is working well. With all the medications going into the J Tube, they have to be spaced apart at intervals where they will not interact with each other.  It has been a challenge to create a schedule that works, but I think we did it!

Paul sleeps a lot during the day.  I believe this is good as it sleep allows the body time to regenerate and heal.
The last week he has been under "House Arrest" to keep him from being exposed to anything out there.  I know he wants to get out.  He is tired of being cooped up.  You can only watch so much T.V.!  He has been having waves of nausea and vomiting.  According to the doctors, this is a normal reaction.  I always thought it would have happened right away, but in Paul's case, his body held on and is now suffering the effects of the Chemo and Radiation treatments.  I guess we were lucky in that aspect, it could have started at the beginning and carried through to now.  Paul's comment from this past week.... "I would like to feel normal, just for one day"  I keep telling him that it will happen, maybe not right away, but it will happen.

On a good note to all this. Paul should be able to get out of the house next week and enjoy some sunshine and fresh air.  He always seems to do so much better on days when he is able to interact with people, whether it be sitting at the pool, a visitor to the house or even a walk to pick up the mail.

Thank you Deb for the Lavender Girl, it brought back wonderful memories of Paul's grandmother.
Thanks to everyone for your prayers, cards and well wishes.

Jo and Paul

A man walks into a bar and orders three beers.

The bartender brings him the three beers, and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third, until they're gone.

He then orders three more and the bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold, so you can start with one, and I'll bring you a fresh one as soon as you're low."

The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the Ireland. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night, we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three beers, too, and we're drinking together."

The bartender thinks it's a wonderful tradition, and every week he sets up the guy's three beers. Then one week, the man comes in and orders only two. He drinks them and then orders two more. The bartender says sadly, "Knowing your tradition, I'd just like to just say that I'm sorry you've lost a brother."

The man replies, "Oh, my brothers are fine -- I just quit drinking."



Research has shown that the mere physical act of smiling, without actually feeling like it, triggers internal biological reactions that stimulate emotions and contribute to a better mood - in you and others.  In other words, when you feel down fake a big fat smile and you will lighten up automatically.  So keep smiling and while you are at it, why not share a joke or two!

Mother's Day ... A Memory of Mom

 It's been 3 years since mom left this earth. Mother's Day and so many memories fill me with a love that can not be compared to any other love.  A mother's love is different, it is unconditional, accepting.  Well, at least my mother's love was that kind of love.  I learned from her, that no matter what your children do or say, you love them, because they are your children.  But today is not about children, it's about mothers and especially my mother.

It was while visiting her on the farm, not long after my dad had died, she and I had come to a turning point in our relationship. I drove to her Wisconsin home from Chicago, my four kids in tow, for a weekend visit.  After the kids were safely tucked into bed and asleep, mom and I went out for a walk under the moonlight.  I am especially fond of moonlit nights for many reasons, one being that they remind me of my mom.  But that in its self is another story.  After walking around the pond and checking the chickens, mom and I sat at the old worn out wooden picnic table, under the massive trees beyond the big garden where my brother had built a tripod grill over a small cooking pit.  It must have been Spring because I do not remember it being hot or cold and there were no mosquitoes. We sat there watching the moon rise up over woods beyond the neighbors plowed field and talked.  We talked about everything, her life, my life, children, love, families.  I remember feeling at peace with her on a level I had never experienced before.  As we sat and continued talking, she decided that we needed a drink and a bit to eat.   I was sent to get the bottle of Polish Blackberry Brandy hidden in a drawer of her bedroom dresser, 2 glasses, a couple hamburgers from the freezer, bread and plates.  Off I went, back to the house to fetch what momma ordered.  By time I came back, she had a fire going and she was smiling.  We cooked the burgers over the open fire, enjoyed a drink and talked more.  I remember being sent back to the house for ice and to check the kids.  We talked and laughed, sharing stories, feelings and a love that is beyond any words that I can write here.  By the time we were done the moon was well above us and the bottle of brandy half gone. I think this was the first time mom and I shared a drink, just the two of us, as neither of us are big drinkers.  For the life of me, I can not recall the exact conversations, but I can recall the feeling of shared love.  It fills me, even now, after all these years.  

After that visit I saw my mom for being who she was.  She was not just my mom, she was this extraordinary woman who bound an entire family together.  Not just her family, but every family that came in contact with her.  She was the oldest of 13 children and took that position very seriously.  She was an anchor for everyone in the family.  Her opinions were valued, her advice sought and her never ending love filled all those around her.  She had a heart that never stopped giving.  I watched her many times give when she didn't have it to give.  Her door and home was always open to anyone who needed a cup of coffee, a meal or a place to spend the night and many times longer.  No one ever left left her presence empty handed or empty hearted.  Momma just had a way of making everything okay.

 

I can go on and on with memories and stories, but I lack the ability to convey them with words that would do them justice.  So instead I’ll just post a few pictures.

A family picnic

Yosemite National Forest

On the beach of the Pacific Ocean

Still teaching me the finer points, sewing lessons at 87 year old. 

88th Birthday surprise

One of my favorites... Look at that smile... Feel the love!

Cocoa beach on the Atlantic Ocean

89 years old and still dancing the night away!

Christmas 2009

 I was blessed with being with her during her final weeks.

The last picture, March 30, 2010, two days before mom died

I love you mom, Happy Mother’s Day

Latest update on us!

We had Gage here for a few days last week as mamma Elizabeth had some commitments to attend to in L.A..  Gage lit up our lives with his laughter and love, hugs and kisses.  If ever you are feeling weighed down by the tribulations of life and you need your soul fed, just have a two year old stay with you for a few days! His inquisitiveness and fresh look at life was just what the doctor ordered for me.  We fed the fish bread in the pond outside of the Clubhouse, fed the ducks the leftover bread from the fish in the pond behind the clubhouse and took a short joy ride in the desert.  Gage loved driving the golf cart and even managed to get the hang of steering it in the right direction.

Me and my boy!

Since Paul was feeling up to it, we spent a couple of hours at the "Children's Discovery Museum of the Desert."   The Children's Museum offered "hands-on" activities.  There was so much to do from learning about a pulley system, with Paul assisting in the pulling, to becoming an Archaeologist and digging for long lost treasures.  Playing with trucks, shopping in a small "right size" Grocery Store with shopping carts that were his size, making a pretend Felt pizza in a Pizzeria and climbing over and under in a String Maze are just a few of the things Gage enjoyed doing while at the museum.   Gage even got the chance to paint an old Volkswagen car!  How cool is that?

Putting on the safety belt.

Pulling up.

My little Archaeologist

Getting a closer look.

Don't forget the tires!

 Since Paul is not able to get in the water, Gage became my swimming buddy!  Gage and I had so much fun swimming together that Paul took a video of us.  I had bough Gage a pair of swim trunks and then found a swim vest.  I attached the vest to the trunks and he took off swimming.  Yep, I'm an protective Grannie who was terrified of "letting go"   We can't wait for his next visit and more swimming together

 After two weeks of being able to eat, Paul has once again quit eating via mouth.  He can no longer swallow as a result from the radiation causing the esophagus to become inflamed.  He is not even taking his medications by mouth.  Everything is being crushed and/or diluted and given via the J-tube through the intestines.  The Ensure and Boost drinks don't go down well anymore but he is able to get down very small sips of thin liquids ...water, green tea and coffee.

Paul's blood count has dropped so low that the Oncologist has stopped all chemo treatments.  He received a shot today that is suppose to help his body produce White Blood Cells.  He will receive the shots over the next 4 days, yep, including the weekends!  I didn't think the doctor's office would be open on Saturday and especially Sunday, but it will be for these shots.  Paul is now taking a strong antibiotic since he has been running a low-grade temperature over the last 2 days.   Needless to say, I will be making sure he gets plenty of rest and stays away from crowds.  I teasingly told him he is under "house arrest" and "quarantined."  If I have to I will make him wear a mask when leaving the house, I do not want him exposed to the lingering flu germs that the nurse said are hanging around!  The Oncologist was adamant in stating if Paul's temperature rises above 101 degrees, he is to be taken to the hospital for intravenous antibiotics.

Moving forward to the next stage ... Paul has appointments at USC for a follow-up Endoscopy, P.E.T scan and a C.T. scan all before the end of the month.  We will then meet with the surgeon on June 6th to discuss  the details of the esophagectomy and set a date for surgery.  I know that Paul is looking forward to this all being behind us and returning to a normal life, even if it  is going to be a "new normal."  I have read many encouraging  things from different support groups on the internet.  Yes, there is  a lot of complications that can arise from surgery and in the weeks following, but we are going to focus on the positive.  Besides, we know there are so many people praying,  things have to go well.

I want to send a special Thank You to Chris and Bryan, Thank you for the help, you will never know how much it is appreciated.  To Mic, thank you for your ongoing "helping hands"  Joyce, Cindy, Joanna, Ted, Elaine, Ron, Kathy, Terri, Sue, Dick, Jean, Anne, Zana, JC, Garrett, Donna .... the list goes on and on..  we can never thank you enough for the prayers, cards and well wishes.  One more special thanks, my Big Sis, thanks for putting up with my tear filled calls, always understanding and being there, even if it is a thousand miles away!

 Jo and Paul too!


Surrender to what IS
Let go of what WAS
Have faith in what WILL BE.

The Journey Continues ...

Paul is now half way through the treatments.  His biggest complaint is the  fatigue that he feels on a daily basis.  He tires very easily so our routine is not a busy one.  He also has been getting headaches, but we hope that will resolve itself sooner rather than later.  We saw all four of his doctors last week.  

The Radiologist says he is doing wonderful, and is happy to hear that Paul is not suffering any of the serious side effects to the radiation treatments.  

The Primary Care Physician thinks Paul is doing very good and is obtaining the needed referrals for the pre-surgical heart testing requested by the Thoracic Surgeon.  

The Thoracic Surgeon feels that Paul is healing remarkably well and wants to schedule surgery for 4 weeks after the last radiation treatment.  He will be ordering a PET scan and performing an Endoscopy before he goes in to remove the esophagus.  Tentatively, surgery could occur mid June.

The Oncologist has stated that because of low blood counts Paul will now be scheduled "week to week treatments" instead of giving him a monthly schedule for Chemo and if needed the dosage will be reduced or treatments stopped due to the blood counts going too low.

None of the doctors had an explanation to the almost daily reoccurring headaches.  We have tried to track a cause as to what could be the trigger to the headaches, but there is not a set pattern.  They come on suddenly, last 15 to 30 minutes and are then gone. It may be one a day or as many as five but almost always in the evening or wee hours of the morning.  My hope is that it is an unusual effect from the treatments and will stop when the treatments stop. 

Paul is eating at least once a day ... something ... a small bowl of soup, a fried egg, mashed potatoes and gravy.  I keep asking if he is hungry, but he has no appetite.  He has not lost any more weight, in fact it is up to 148.5 pounds and for that I am thankful.  We have some wonderful friends who invite us out/over to eat and Paul has managed to get down more then a couple of mouthfuls.  I think he wants to show off how well he is doing.  Right now we are feeling optimistic that things will continue to progress on a positive note and he will continue to gain weight before surgery.

The Winter season at the resort is winding down and most of the snow-birds have headed back North.  Once again the resort is unusually quiet, laundry room empty, golf course empty and the traffic on Dillon Road is returning to it's slower Summer pace of one car at the stop sign instead of 5 or 6.  The hot  Summer weather returned with a surprise this week with a record breaking 106 degrees but a promise from the weatherman that the normal 80's will be upon us next week.

We had friends from Arizona, Terri and James, stop for a visit while they attended the Stagecoach Country Music Festival in Indio, which is a hop, skip and jump from us.  It was great to spend time with them.  We met them at the College of the Desert Street Fair which is a weekly open market/swap meet selling new items at good prices.  Before heading back home they stopped by for a visit and a chance for some goodbye hugs.  Anyone who knows me, knows I can never can get enough hugs!   

Speaking of friends ... Ron and Elaine, thank you for sending the funny card!  Your cards always make Paul laugh out loud.  They say laughter is a great medicine, so thank you both for the "Shot in the arm!"  On that note, do you know they actually make cards for people dealing with "Cancer"?   Paul received one and it just blew our minds.

Dick and Rick, thanks for the Swamp Cooler and all the other blessings you  have bestowed upon us.  We'll figure out that Swamp Cooler if it's the last thing we do!

Mick, where do we begin?  Thank you for getting our home back to a livable condition. You are a blessing!

Karen and Bob, thanks for the dinners, conversation and camaraderie.

To all the people that allow me to collect hugs every week, thank you!  
You have no idea how much it helps me get through the coming week.
You fill me up when I am running low.  
You are a soother to my soul.

Thank you for the prayers, well wishes and cards.
We are truly blessed and surrounded by angels.  

Jo and Paul

Friends, celebrations, and life .......

We have had a great week with visits from our wonderful friends here at Caliente Springs.  Dick and Rick brought over a Swamp Cooler for us to use as the summer heat is starting.   Joyce, thanks for the fresh veggies, they were delicious.  Breakfast with Bob and Karen where Paul proceeded to eat an egg and a couple tablespoons of potato, he even ate a breakfast sausage!   Time spent with Carolyn, it was so nice to get-away and relax.   Joanna and Ted, you have been amazing, thank you for filling up our truck with gas for this upcoming week of appointments!  We can not thank everyone enough for their love and support.  

Grandma Barbara joined us in celebrating Paul's daughter Jennifer's 25th birthday.  It was a wonderful dinner and we talked about so many things including Jennifer and Jason's plans for their wedding within the next year or two.  No date set, but the plans are in the making.  Where have the years gone?  

Proud dad!

Grandma Barbara

On to the update on Paul .......

Paul has had three chemo treatments and seven radiation treatments.  He is holding up well.  Fatigue is his biggest complaint. With the possibilities of all the side effects he could experience this is really a blessing.  Thank you for all the prayers as I believe this is what is helping.  His blood pressure has been great and he has managed to gain a pound or two.  

Over the last few days he has started to suffer sudden onset headaches.  They are on the right side mid-forehead.  Throbbing, stabbing, increasing intensity, within fifteen to thirty minutes they are gone.  These headaches are reoccurring a few times a in a 24 hour period.  I am tracking to see if there is something setting them off, but so far nothing is creating a pattern.
  
Paul suffered Cluster headaches for years back in the late 1990's to early 2000's.  They had stopped in 2004 as suddenly as they started.  The Radiologist gave him a prescription for Imitrex.  Problem is the pills would have to be crushed and dissolved, and I'm not to sure how that would work with the chemo medications so will be addressing this with the Oncologist.

We have an appointment with the Primary Physician today to obtain a referral to a Cardiologist for some pre-surgery testing. I am writing down questions.  We not only have our weekly chemo and daily radiation appointments this week but we also have the added appointments with the Radiologist, Oncologist and Thoracic Surgeon in Los Angeles, for a follow-up from J tube and Chemo Port surgery.  I am hoping the surgeon can give us a tentative date for the Esophagectomy surgery. Paul's wound continues to heal beautifully and has diminished in size.  It is less then half of what it was when we arrived home from the hospital less then a month ago.  The human body is amazing and God is good.  Onward to this week of doctor visits and treatments.

Looking better all the time!

Thank you all for your prayers, visits, cards, and support.  We are blessed with the most wonderful family and friends in the world! 

Jo and Paul

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...it's learning to dance in the rain.

Paul has been blessed with not having any side effects from the radiation and chemotherapy.  Well, not yet!  He has had a bit of muscle aches and headaches, but no vomiting or hair loss. The Radiologist has recommended that he drink a shot glass of Aloe Vera Juice a few times a day to help relieve any discomfort in the throat.  Luckily he can swallow that without a problem.  He is not really eating as he tried some scrambled eggs on Friday, it got stuck in the throat and made for an awful experience.  He is trying to eat a bit here and there. A tablespoon of yogurt, creamed soup, a sip of a fruit smoothie, and even a teaspoon of mashed potatoes with a lot, and I do mean a lot, of gravy.  All in all we are doing okay.

We have been continuing with daily walks around the neighborhood.  Some walks take us to the  clubhouse where we pick up mail. Other walks end up taking us to friends homes where we sit and chat for a bit.  We even ventured out to Whitewater Park where we walked around for 20 minutes before Paul tired out.  When we were getting ready to leave Paul spotted a Big Horn Sheep up on one of the hills.  A great reward for a wonderful walk.

Big Horn Sheep Saturday April 13, 2013

I am slowly dealing with all the paperwork for insurance companies; COBRA and California State Short Term Disability for Paul. We had filled out all the paper work for the Short Term Disability when at the hospital, but upon a follow-up call Monday morning, I learned the Social Worker at the hospital misplaced it, so it was never filed with the State.  Just one more set-back in a long line of things that have gone wrong over the last few months.  According to the State web-site it will take 4 weeks to receive the paperwork to fill out.  We will get it filled out as quickly as possible then ask our Oncologist to fill out his part.  Hopefully the wait won't be too long to see if he will qualify.  We have both been out of work since March 4th.

Some of you are aware that 2 weeks after Paul was diagnosed with Esophageal Cancer, our new Park Model home was flooded with sewage.  A RV traveler who rented the spot next to our place put his sewer hose from his RV into the sewer line.  Well, he had it in so far in that it caused a blockage.  Us being the first home coming down the sewer line from the hill above took all the damage.  Paul called the insurance company immediately and was told to hire a clean-up crew as this is a bio-hazard.   I filed a claim with our insurance company, Foremost, providing letters from witnesses.  Foremost sent out their insurance claim adjuster.  We were stunned when informed via a letter that Foremost Insurance will not cover the damage because it was from the sewer outside of our unit.  I questioned "Why do I even have insurance if you are not going to cover it?"  They replied, "We don't cover sewage back-up"  Funny, their web-site states it covers sewer back-ups.  I wonder how many people in the resort are thinking they are covered.  I even went to my Foremost agent, but he wasn't much help other then stating the Resort should cover it.  My question to him was "Why is the resort responsible when I have insurance that I bought from you to cover it?"  He couldn't give me an answer.  Our only option is to try to track down the person who made the blockage and try to talk with him.  Hoping that he is honest enough to cover the cost of the damage he caused by putting his sewer hose down the sewer line. If not, Small Claims Court might be an option. Needless to say, we were having a string of crappy luck!

But on a not so crappy side of life... We have great friends who are offering to help get our Park Model home back to a livable condition.  Put in the floor, and get the cabinets and bathroom fixtures back into place. We have had wonderful emotional and spiritual support from everyone around us. My goal is to help get Paul through the rough times and not let depression or despair set in as one thing after another comes our way.  He is feeling stronger each day and put on 2 of the 20 plus pounds he lost while in the hospital and his outlook on life is good. We have had some wonderful visits with friends in the resort that have brought laughter and maybe a few tears into our daily lives.  We look forward to visits from friends.  Even though they may feel that they are tiring Paul out, he really looks forward to the distraction of an otherwise monotonous day of television and computer.

Never get enough hugs!

It's Wednesday!

EEK!  I woke up this morning to the coffee making being on but no coffee.  It seems the coffeemaker has come to the end of it's journey in life, on to the Big Kitchen Counter in the sky, or in reality, the dumpster.   So this morning I made coffee the old fashion way, boiled water and dripped it through the coffee grounds.  Desperation for caffeine is not a pretty site! Thanks goodness we have a backup at the house that we used for company.  I'll go get it later today after we get out for our daily walk.  

Paul is scheduled to receive his first radiation treatment this afternoon.  From everything I could get my hands on to read, it should not be too bad and the side effects are not instant.  He will have a few days to adjust to the changes in his body.  Chemo is scheduled for Thursday this week and next week.  We are looking forward to getting all these reoccurring appointments on the calendar then we can create some sort of schedule for ourselves.  Having a schedule will give us time to plan walks and get out to do some visiting with friends. I'm looking for a little bit or normalcy and routine.


The abdomen wound is healing and looks great.  The Home Health nurse is pleased with it and there is no sign of infection.  Yea!!!  I will continue to change the bandages, clean the wound and do what I've been doing...it seems to be working.

Yesterday I put a call in to the surgeon as the bottom stitches on the J tube have been pulling the skin and creating the area to become very tender and swollen.  With the surgeon's approval I snipped them and pulled them out.  We will tape it in place until our follow-up appointment in a couple of weeks. It took a bit or maneuvering to get under it and snip, as the stitches were in very, very tight.  Paul took a couple deep breathes and  even yelled "Ouch" a couple of times...after a few attempts to get under the J tube and with very shaky hands on my part...  snipped! Relief covered his face.  He laughed and said, "Now take the other two stitches out!"  My reply, "No way!  That is all that's left holding the J tube in place." 

We appreciate the visits and well wishes from all our friends.  
Thank you for all the hugs we've gathered over the last couple of days.  

Jo and Paul

Reflection of my early morning thoughts.....


I asked God 
"Why do I have to climb so many mountains in my life?"

Mount Diablo

He replied 
"So that you may have a better view"

Change

We have made it through the week being home and are adjusting to the changes in our lives.

Paul getting his nutrition through a J tube with a feeding of liquid nutrients is going well.  I find the J tube becomes hard to flush if the feeding goes more then a couple of hours, but we are working on getting that resolved with frequent flushing during the day, every two hours, and cleaning the J tube in the morning after the nutrition going overnight with a wired brush one of the doctors had given me at the hospital. I am striving for 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep instead of the four that I have been getting.  It's a change I'm looking forward to.

His open wound on the abdomen is healing beautifully.  To watch this change in his physical body as the hole slowly heals has me fascinated.  Who the heck can look at something like that and not accept  the "Intelligent Design" of the human body?  Our God is an awesome God!

Thursday brought Paul's first Chemotherapy session.  It went well with the exception of it running longer that we were told.  This created a conflict with the scheduled Radiation therapy session.  The oncology staff was very good about contacting the radiologist to let them know of the delay.  It all worked out and Paul now has three new tiny tattoos that will aide in the radiation being pinpointed to the exact place it needs to be.  So far, with the help of anti-nausea medicine, he has not had any real side effects from the treatment.  I know it is early in the course of treatments but I'm optimistic that he will do well and not go through anything horrific.

Being home has been wonderful.  We've been blessed with friends bringing food, dessert and hugs!  Can never get enough hugs!  Paul has journeyed out of the house for short walks in the sunshine.  I can already see an improvement in him just from being home for a week.  His weight is stable, not gaining, but most importantly not losing.  He has even tried to take a few things by mouth.  Not much, a few sips of a protein shake, chicken broth, tea, a couple spoon fulls of yogurt and even a bite of chicken!   Heck, he even requested a tea and it's been over a month since he has done that.  You know these Brits, they must have their tea!  We are feeling encourage that something good may have come from having the NG tube in  for a week.  It may have dilated the esophagus just a little, which is enough for some food to get through.  As long as the esophagus is opened enough for the food to go down, he'll keep trying to eat.   His taste is a bit off, but I'm sure that will improve with more eating.

The change of winter to summer is taking place as many of our winter residents are preparing to leave or have already left for their summer homes up north.   We look forward to them returning in the Fall.  Paul is already looking forward to returning to work after all this is over and so am I.  This being home everyday is nice, but we both miss the interactions of our community which our jobs bring to us on an everyday basis.

We know that this cancer has already changed our lives and we will need to adapt to more changes as we continue down the road of treatments and preparing for the next surgery.

So tonight, I will leave you with the words of Socrates,

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”

Hugs, love and peace,

Jo and Paul

On to New Routines

We have had a couple days to try and create a routine for ourselves.  One thing that is definitely different for me is that since Paul is not able to eat solid foods, I don't have to cook.  Well, not really cook.  My wonderful neighbor Irene brought by some carrots, cabbage and apple for the food co-op she works at, so I have cooked up that for myself to have during the week.  Thanks Irene!  ll in all being home is wonderful.  Sleeping in our own bed makes for a much more restful night and as Paul has shared he is not being awaken between midnight and 2 am by the USC vampires (blood draws).  He is looking and feeling better day by day.  He is trying to get some food down his throat before it closes up completely again.  Chicken broth and juice seems to be okay.  Solid food is too much as no matter how good he chews, it just isn't enough.

We thought that the Chemo treatments were going to begin on Monday, but the oncologist wanted us to wait a few days to get the radiologist on the same schedule.  Paul will begin Chemo on Thursday morning and see the radiologist on Thursday afternoon.  We will make a trip back to USC for a Follow-up appointment with the surgeon next week.  Home Health nurses are scheduled to come twice a week to check on Paul's progress with the J tube feeding and overall well being.  They will probably make it once a week in the future as he gains back his strength and his open wound on the abdomen closes.  The next two weeks will be busy with us adjusting to this new routine.

I have enough paperwork to keep me busy for at least a week.  I created a log book to track Paul's daily vitals, amount of food intake and also all his doctor appointments, blood work and any that will be vital for his care.  Then there is the tracking of Health Insurance deductions and EOB's, trying to settle things regarding the sewage flooding we had in February to our new Park Model home, and trying to plan the enclosed stick built enclosed room for that park Model so we can move in.  This year has really thrown us a couple of curve-balls, but we are not striking out yet!  In fact, I think we are on the way to getting a few Home Runs!  It is Spring, right?  Baseball season should be starting, so I think hitting a few "Out of the Park" is just what we need!

Will keep everyone up to date as much as possible.  Thank you for all the hugs I have collected so far since arriving home, I'm looking forward to collecting more!

 Did you know as quoted by American Psychologist and Educator, Virginia Satir (1916-1988)
We need 4 hugs a day for survival.  
We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance.  
We need 12 hugs a day for growth.  
Paul and I wish each of you enough hugs so you can grow into being the person God meant you to be.

\Hugs,
Jo and Paul